Current mood:	excited
Current music:	queen - don't stop me now
Entry tags:	recovery

happy joyous and FREE
"everyone always fucking talks about you, everyone acts like they love you so much"

jealous much?


for the first time in this journal i'm going to speak about my disease for a moment

i woke up this morning and the proverbial 'hole in my soul' was gaping wide today. i've made a few steps back recently (albeit them VERY unimportant ones in the grand scheme of things) and i knew i should pray about it. instead (and there are certainly worse ways to try to fix such a void) i called a young man in the program. i laid out in front of him the couple of things that were weighing most heavily on my mind. purging myself of those thoughts might have been enough in itself but thankfully i purged them to someone working their shit out because he gave me really good advice. part of it was, in fact, to pray. part of it was to stay in today. part of it was reminding me to never let myself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. i asked why it was that when i knew the right thing to do i still had to hear it from someone else. he reminded me that my own thoughts and ideas got me into some serious shit in the past and that probably i don't and shouldn't trust my own thinking.

that's enough for now. it's a beautiful day to be sober. i'm going to call deena today because i bet she's got some funny shit to say about all this. i will go to work today and immerse myself in everything i do and i can't wait to get to a meeting tonight and just maybe i'll psyche myself up enough to share some of this with someone that just might need to hear it.